The return of the Big Bad Brother (29/05/05)

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Another batch of slappers, social misfits and downright scary people get locked in a house for three months. What levels can they sink to this time?

Everytime Big Brother starts I do wonder to myself whether or not I will watch the series and usually I do catch most of it. For me, the biggest draw is seeing Big Brother's Little Brother where Dermot O'Leary injects just the right amount of scorn and self-awareness into his comments on the programme and anything interesting in the show is pointed out and commented on.  That show is for me, far more important that the actual show where the wannabees are taken far more seriously than they should be.

The latest bunch were snatched from their self-important little lives and thrust into the spotlight on Friday and as the series number has increased, the motley bunch that have been assembled are more and more unlikeable.

First impressions for me were of two large breasted slappers who were so shallow that their entire personalities seemed tied up in who had the biggest breastage.  A couple of chavvie straight males were added, presumably to increase the chances of some "shagging". A slap headed, black, gay,40 year old Tory speech-writer (ticking virtually all his possible minority boxes) was thrown in to be an early evictee.  Another female who appeared to have been kidnapped from a 1970's disco, and teleported straight into the house was immediately set up by Big Brother to be "unlucky" but was too dense to immediately grasp what had happened.  A further deluded female who appeared to have left her hairdressers before they had finished cutting her hair was immediately lauded as a "hottie" and took great delight in saying she was studying at Oxford (a journalist later pointed out this was Oxford Polytechnic). There was some odd egomanical teenage gay hairdresser who had thankfully had his hair changed from the dreadful mullet he sported at the auditions (bad hair on a hairdresser is never a plus point for getting clients) and another odd little person joined the group, loosely described as male but who walked in wearing a red wedding sari. Ah hem.  

Backing those up was a guy purporting to be Italian who said he was 32 and handsome but actually looked 42 and as if he'd fallen out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. Oh and to complete the baker's dozen was a psychologically damaged woman called Mary (the tabloids will be fighting over who can nickname her Scary Mary first, I guarantee it) who believes she is from Atlantis and that the gnomes in the Big Brother garden are alive.

Oh yes.  I meet people like this every day. Or rather I don't.  Which may be the point. Or lack of it. You see Big Brother is not reality television.  In fact it is about as far removed from reality as it can possibly be. We, the audience, rarely like any of the Big Brother contestants.  In fact we loathe and despise them, but they serve their purpose. They show us that stupid people can be successful and that your life is never as boring and awful as you think it is.  Just imagine, you could actually want to apply to go on Big Brother.... How sad would your life have to be for that to be an option?

Page Last Updated Sunday, May 07, 2006 at 20:47:17